Model for counseling people in relationships
Jan 8, In my 25 years as a therapist, I've worked with countless couples facing a address your part of the problem, and start fresh with a clean slate. Sep 26, All couples run into relationship issues. and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply. Relationships are never easy and all relationships go through difficult periods from time to time. Common issues that couples present to couples counselling.
We have all acquired our own relationship with intimacy. If our early relationship was with someone who found intimacy and vulnerability terrifying, our own intimacy needs will have been locked away behind thorny brambles of fear and trepidation.
One unwitting breach by our partner, who has their own history, and the portcullis slams down, fearing and rejecting the perceived and possibly unwitting perpetrator. This sounds extreme, but most of us operate at a level where this primal drama is not fully available to us, only the repertoire of behaviours we reach for.
Relationship Problems - Counselling Directory
Our partner, with their own material, is often unequipped to heal our wounds, even though we long for them to do so, and much of our hurt, resentment and anger arises from this unrealistic expectation.
The therapist equips us with awareness which enables us to change in better relationship with ourselves, and in becoming free, we experience our relationships change. Unfortunately, especially in the UK, people often feel ashamed about being sexual in the first place let alone sexual problems. We snigger about sex, rarely talking directly about it to friends or family.
This shame can prevent people from seeking help. Working with a therapist who is trained in psychosexual therapy can be very helpful in normalising peoples' concerns, in educating them about sexuality and listening to them in an accepting and non-judgmental way.
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These therapists talk about sex in detail on a regular basis so there is no need to be embarrassed and often by naming the concern out loud to an empathetic listener it can be disempowered. Clients can be concerned about so many aspects of sex, sexuality, gender, sexual fantasy and what they perceive to be strange sexual interests and practices.
When this is the case couples therapy can be so helpful in guiding the couple to listen to each other in an active and empathetic manner leaning to understand from where some of the misunderstood behaviours may derive.
Sometimes clients seek help because they are fearful and have never been able to have an intimate relationship.3 Tips For Overcoming Trust Issues In Relationships - Dawn Wiggins Therapy
There maybe a history of abuse and trauma that has left them ashamed and terrified. They may never have experienced affection or intimacy within their family or for some other reason struggle with making relationships. These clients can be supported into exploring their fears and encouraged to recognise they have choices and autonomy. Therapist Francis Atkinson explains: A father, mother, brother, or sister. Sometimes this works, and there are no problems, and everyone gets on fine. These patterns, which are mostly unresolved developmental relationship dynamics from childhood, can be worked on and understood with a couples therapist.
From psychoanalytic literature to neuro-scientific research there is so much written about the crucial role of the mother and her effect, good but all too often bad, on the developing psyche of the infant. Memories of what they experienced as a baby and child themselves in being mothered are frequently heightened at this time. In many ways they become strangers to themselves and their partners. Talking about and seeking help before breaking point for sexual and emotional changes in relationships with partners is taboo.
The expectation, after all, is that the baby has brought you closer, is it not? Couples therapy can be an incredibly supportive way to process what can be overwhelming feelings. Talking to someone who is not emotionally involved or judgemental, who can see the bigger picture at a point when you can only see risks and feel anxiety or despair, can be immensely grounding. For mid-life couples, the scenery is often different.
They are likely not to be experiencing the earlier demands of their marriage with younger children, work, making a home, etc. Common problem decisions include: This can be especially problematic if one partner is from interstate or overseas, or if one partner has been offered work in a different cityhow to deal with inlaws?
Many couples who have hit a problem decision such as the ones listed above can be helped with only a few sessions with a relationship counsellor to help them talk through their desires, doubts and concerns about a particular decision, and to help them reach compromise.
This can be an excellent way to ensure transparency in the decision making process and aid against underlying or latent tensions about the decision that might otherwise pop up and cause arguments in the future. Infidelity can be a tremendous tear in the fabric of a relationship.
The trust of the person who was cheated has been violated and betrayed and the person who had the affair will usually experience feelings of guilt and anger. When a couple who have experienced infidelity come in for relationship or couples counselling, forgiveness and the rebuilding of trust are major issues that need to be addressed.
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Couples counselling is an opportunity to examine how trust has been violated in the relationship and how it can be rebuilt. It is also a chance to look at the underlying reasons as to why the affair happened in the first place.
Relationship therapy is also the place where couples can talk in a safe and calm environment about the feelings that have arisen as a result of the infidelity. Talking at home without the mediation of a trained couples counsellor can often result in arguments, slammed doors or silence, especially when people are feeling emotionally wounded and angry. One of the issues that may be raised in relationship counselling after an affair is whether or not the relationship can be salvaged and continued.
It is possible for a couple to overcome an affair and resume a positive and fulfilling relationship. However, some couples discover that an affair is a symptom of a larger problem that they really have no desire to mend or repair. If this is the case, then a couples counsellor or psychologist can help mediate a separation and make an effort for a couple to end the relationship in a healthy manner. One of the issues commonly presented in relationship counselling is that of jealousy.
Jealousy can drive a wedge between a relationship, especially if the jealousy causes the jealous partner to become neurotic or controlling of the other. Jealousy is usually caused by feelings of insecurity on the part of the person who is jealous — either they feel insecure about the relationship, their partner or themselves. Sometimes feelings of insecurity within a relationship may be well founded, and caused by specific behaviour of the other partner.
In these circumstances, relationship counselling may provide an excellent opportunity to examine the behaviours that are leading to the jealous feelings. More often than not however, jealous feelings are caused by inherent and deeply held insecurities of the person who experiences the jealousy.
Commitment issues are another topic that many couples seek help with from a professional relationship counsellor. The reasons for commitment issues can be wide and varied, but very often, at their core, they have to do with fear of what will happen if a commitment is really and truly made to the relationship.
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In order to help with these issues, a relationship counsellor may ask about beliefs and experiences related to previous relationships, including how relationships in your family of origin were treated and how well they worked. In some cases, the reason for our reluctance to commit is rooted in what we observed in our families growing up. The goal of relationship counselling is to determine if there is an issue regarding commitment or if this is a perception that is based in assumptions.
Once this has been determined, then the counsellor, psychologist or therapist will help you decipher and tease out methods to become more secure in the relationship.
Alternatively, in some cases, there truly is an issue with commitment and then relationship counselling may come down to making a choice of whether or not to accept the situation as it is or decide that a commitment in the form you want or need is necessary.