Are you one-half of a couple that's just not working? Learn about how to end a long-term relationship the right way. Ending a long-term relationship involves heartbreak. It is up to you to minimize the damage as much as you can, making a clean break from your partner. Women explain how they knew their relationship with a long-term partner Breaking up with someone can be a really simple decision to make.
If all efforts fail to revive the romance and quality of connection, then everyone can feel more empowered to move forward. Below, 20 ways to leave your lover with love and respect.
Take full responsibility for your part in the ending, as in: Speak highly of your soon-to-be ex, because what you say about them actually reflects a great deal about you. Spend a good deal of time reflecting on how you got into the intimacy bog and what you could have done differently. Give your soon-to-be ex a lot of space to be upset and remove yourself immediately from any conversations that are hateful or abusive. Pay off all debts and split things up fairly.
Seek professional help to mediate finality if you are too frightened and find yourself backing off from your firm decision. Refrain from clingy sex and keep appropriate new boundaries to avoid confusion and undue stalling. Be kind to all of your mutual friends, as well as the friends of your partner. There are no sides.
There is just loss. Use this time to take great care of yourself by getting in shape, not just physically but mentally. This is a very stressful time, no matter how adrenalized you may feel in leaving.
Keep your words in the affirmative about the situation and avoid all attempts to make you right and your partner wrong. Again, it is all just loss. There are no winners. Be faithful to your soon-to-be ex and do not involve anyone else romantically in your complicated emotional maelstrom until you are truly separated. Give your soon-to-be ex lots of physical space and let them attend to things without having to see your face.
Take up a new class or hobby to help you fill the new free time that is often fraught with compulsive over-thinking. Take a short road trip alone or with friends to get some perspective after the big announcement. Refrain from any social media postings about your status.
Do not ever reveal intimate facts. That would be tasteless and petty. Let go of all letters and memorabilia as soon as possible, but in a discreet, honorable way.
How to end a relationship confidently and gracefully, and leave with dignity
Take time to feel all the emotions without involving your ex in a blow-by-blow battle. It is time for you to feel it all. Well, the more thoughtless the ending From my professional experience You won't need to commit to weekly sessions, you could just have a few online, WhatsApp, or email conversations.
I promise you, it can make all the difference. For further information, see my page: Relationship Breaking up Advice. How to end a long term relationship: Hopefully, you'll also have read my article When to break up your relationship.
A Better Way to Break-Up: 20 Ways to Leave Your Lover
This means that come what may, you're mentally prepared to stay calm and polite. Act in the way you'd have wanted your partner to behave if they were the one breaking up with you - however difficult your partner may make it for you.
I promise you, if you need to engage a solicitor, that second step will help keep your costs down. You won't be creating another layer of conflict on top of the one you're already dealing with. For help choosing the right lawyer see my article: How to Find a Lawyer Even if splitting up is unlikely to be amicable for whatever reasonyou may just manage a reasonable ending. You'll feel better for it and it may also help your partner to get over the ending sooner I hope that still matters to you, if only a little.
If you have children, the whole drama will be so much more manageable for them if the two of you can at the very least talk politely. Do all you can to stay as calm as possible. Stay in touch with family and friends and take time out for yourself to help you relax. How to end a relationship without causing unnecessary pain and bitterness It's very easy to make an already difficult situation even more unmanageable by doing any of the following: Putting the ending off when you really know you want to leave the relationship - sadly it just isn't going to be any easier a month or a year later.
It's unlikely that there's ever going to be a 'good' time for this type of ending. Of course, there could be a really bad time - for example in the middle of a major crisis. Try to calmly think through why exactly you've been putting it off and take a problem-solving approach to each reason or 'excuse' you come up with.
Deliberately making life miserable and as difficult as possible in the hope that your partner says he or she no longer loves you and wants to end the relationship. This would only add another layer of problems and stress on top of what you're dealing with already.
Ending a long term relationship this way would leave you both with a very bitter taste in your mouth. Starting an affair The pain this causes should not be underestimated. Again, it just adds more problems and distress. Ultimately your adultery could cause a great deal of trauma to all involved - not just your partner.
If you want to be able to end your relationship as well as you can, then you'll need to end the affair - at least until you've dealt with the ending of your marriage or relationship See my article: Avoiding any conversation about the problems in your relationship or marriage may result in your partner making assumptions.
He or she will be desperately trying to figure out what's going on. You could be suspected of having an affaireven if there is no infidelity. Of course, if you are having an affair, I can understand you won't want to talk. However, you're only prolonging the agony if deep down you know you want to finish your primary relationship. Packing your bags and disappearing No further explanation is needed here. Holding on to anger and resentment costs too much precious energy When and how not to end a long-term relationship Avoid causing more hassle, pain and a potentially longer lasting and more expensive process.
Take heed of the following advice I may earn a commission from BetterHelp. Don't end a relationship during a telephone conversation. Don't leave a voicemail with either a hint or a clear message about ending. Don't let someone else do the dirty job for you. Don't deliver the message in a public place. Ending a relationship in a public place should only be an option if you're worried about abuse see my article: Signs of an abusive relationship Don't tell friends, family members or colleagues you're ending your relationship or marriage before you tell your partner or spouse that it's over.
Don't end the relationship during a row - your partner may actually be pleased - it may be what she or he was hoping for! Don't write it online in any shape or form - email, Facebook status update or any other way. Don't give any kind of ultimatum. Breaking up an intimate relationship is never going to be easy. So I'm afraid there's no point thinking you can 'just do it' without causing any pain. I'd always advise getting some professional help. It's so easy now to set up a session with an online licensed therapist.
It matters not what time it is or what device you're using. I'm guessing you've already had experience of endings before though How to end a relationship when you've experienced badly handled endings in the past We experience all kinds of endings in a life-time that happen to all people breaking up of couple relationships the death of loved ones endings caused by moves for whatever reason change of jobs the ends of friendships and so on.
You may have lost a grandparent or pet as a child. Or you may have suffered a family breakup with all the losses that entailed. Your previous experience of endings can become a template for those that follow. Your thoughts, feelings and actions are based on what happened to you before.
Therefore, I'm really chuffed that you're taking the time and trouble to find out how best to end your relationship. It's not an easy thing to do - so the more help and advice you can find, the better.
A Better Way to Break-Up: 20 Ways to Leave Your Lover | Goop
Let's start with how to have that potentially gut-wrenching conversation How to end a relationship Ways that make a difficult conversation easier Even if your spouse or partner is expecting bad news, your delivery of it needs careful thought and courage! Being sure and well-prepared will help you do it more confidently and with empathy and compassion, when you want to leave your relationship.
When we get bad, or even shocking, news our brain takes more time to comprehend what is happening. I highly recommend you prepare yourself with self-hypnosis.
Discover more about this affordable, effective and user-friendly aid in my article: Hypnosis FAQ and Downloads. Don't start waffling on about something else or say lots of reassuring things you don't mean.
Don't offer to stay friends either. This will help you both to recover much quicker. Yes, you too - even if you are the instigator of this ending. Doubtless you've been through a difficult enough time already.