Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
But we are keenly aware of how important our relationship is to the health and kids, the less time you have to focus on the well-being of your spouse—and the. And why do so many relationships seem to suffer after children? while a few men find it hard to see their wives as sexual after having children, most husbands . While it is ok to have sex after weeks of child birth, most couple take many 8 Ways To Have A Stress-Free Relationship With Your Spouse After A Baby.
For around 30 years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: Comparing couples with and without children, researchers found that the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than for childless couples. In the event that a pregnancy is unplannedthe parents experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship. The irony is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines, the likelihood of them divorcing also declines.
While the negative marital impact of becoming parents is familiar to fathers and mothers, it is especially insidious because so many young couples think that having children will bring them closer together or at least will not lead to marital distress.
Staying Lovers While Raising Kids
It seems obvious that adding a baby to a household is going to change its dynamics. And indeed, the arrival of children changes how couples interact. Parents often become more distant and businesslike with each other as they attend to the details of parenting. Mundane basics like keeping kids fed, bathed and clothed take energy, time and resolve.
In the effort to keep the family running smoothly, parents discuss carpool pickups and grocery runs, instead of sharing the latest gossip or their thoughts on presidential elections. These changes can be profound. Fundamental identities may shift — from wife to mother, or, at a more intimate level, from lovers to parents. Even in same-sex couples, the arrival of children predicts less relationship satisfaction and sex. Beyond sexual intimacy, new parents tend to stop saying and doing the little things that please their spouses.
Flirty texts are replaced with messages that read like a grocery receipt. With nearly half of all births being to unmarried couplessome parents may think they have gamed the system by skipping the wedding. The relationship burden of having children is present regardless of marital status, gender orientation or level of income. In addition, the adverse impact of becoming a parent is found in other countriesincluding those with greater rates of nonmarital parenting and more generous family policies.
Moms bear the brunt Not surprisingly, it is mothers, not fathers, who bear the heaviest cost of becoming parents. Marriage counseling can be a wonderful way to boost that connection and it's not just for unsatisfied couples!
Sex has probably become a distant memory The change "Sex was not on the top of our list.
But, at least temporarily, your sex life has probably taken a nosedive. You had to wait about six weeks after giving birth before having sex. And frankly, once you got the go-ahead from your doctor, you may not have actually felt ready to do it yet yes, it may hurt—it won't be torture, but your body's been through a lot, and it will take time to get back to normal. And definitely don't let it be like this forever—you both could use some good sex, are we right?
You love your baby more than your partner The change "Once we had our baby, we were a little distant from each other.
It obviously hurt my husband's feelings—we were mostly distant because all I wanted to do was be around the baby. So he made me sit down and he lectured me about how we are still married and our relationship is just as important. But you may not have predicted that, at least for a little while, you would practically forget that your partner exists. How to deal Try not to let it get in between you.
Saving Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
Niceties have gone out the window The change "It has caused a lot of friction between us. We've bickered much more than we used to. I don't want to use the term fight, because to me, that means yelling and feelings being hurt. We just snap at each other more easily.
Need some extra help? There are now apps out there—like Lasting —that ask you some questions to get to know your relationship, and then map out a program to improve your communication and conflict skills and weave healthy habits and romantic rituals into your daily lives. There's no such thing as downtime The change "The time we used to have for each other, where I would lie on the couch with my husband for two hours at night, is gone. Now that time is spent cleaning up, prepping things for the next day bottles, outfits and doing household chores.
Watch trashy reality TV together, play Rock Band, read novels in bed and then switch when you were done.
All that cool, fun, intimate stuff is gone—at least for now, while you have zero time to waste. How to deal You've got to challenge yourselves to bond while emptying the diaper pail and cleaning mashed sweet potatoes out of the high chair's crevices.
Studies Show What Happens to Marriages After Having Kids | Fortune
Not sexy, but if you think about it, it's kind of sweet that you two are in this together. Despite all that tough stuff, you have a new bond The change "The first year, our relationship was good and bad. Bad because we were sleep deprived and, well, both my husband and I are grumpy without sleep. But our baby makes us happy.
Our children make us laugh, smile and worry like we never had before, but it brings us closer together. You may run into some bumps in the road, but you'll also likely look at your partner singing to baby in the middle of the night, or teaching her to play patty-cake, and fall in love with them all over again.
Think of early parenthood as boot camp. If you guys can make it through this, you'll be prepared to make it through almost anything. User names have been changed.